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Jehovah’s Witnesses Plan on Looting the DeadSubmitted by Jaymes on April 4, 2012 - 5:00 am 23 Comments
When I was younger and out on the field service with my pioneering mother, I remember being assigned to knock on the lavish Broad Walk houses in Winchmore Hill, North London, England. Broad Walk isn’t your run of the mill avenue as it features some of the largest homes in England. Roger Moore (James Bond), for instance, bought one of the mansions in the early eighties.
It was always a pleasure working the houses on Broad Walk because I was allowed to pick out which house would be mine after Armageddon struck. Being a youngster, I never really understood the gravitas of the situation. I do remember it well though. Our Book Study elder, Richard Aitman, would stand on the corner of The Green (a lovely patch of grass that sat just at the foot of Broad Walk) and wait for the rest of the brothers and sisters to arrive. Once all of us congregated on The Green, Richard would normally say “Brothers and sisters, this is your chance to pick out your house.” He would sometimes throw in some non-humorous humour such as “now now brothers and sisters, I don’t want you squabbling over each others house. In the New World that Jehovah will prepare for us, it’ll be first-come, first-serve.”
So there I was, normally accompanied by my mother, walking up and down one of the most prestigious real estate property lots in the UK. I wasn’t preoccupied with the ministry and all that nonsense. Instead, all I could think about was which house I would move into.
Thankfully, I’m all grown up now. I don’t have any imaginary friends and neither do I think about looting the dead – for that’s what it is, right? Without thinking, I was contemplating looting the dead – taking anything within the house that tickled my fancy as well as the house! There’s no other way to put it.
JWB just wouldn’t be JWB without my expected rant, so here it is…
Looting the dead is a disgusting, immoral and selfish action. Think about it – a Jehovah’s Witness first contemplates which house they want to move into. They have their eye on it for quite a while and even (as was the case with me) daydream about living in this house. I personally know some Jehovah’s Witnesses that have walked past expensive furniture shops and said “oh that would look lovely in that house.” ‘That house’ being the home they intend to loot.
I need you to now delve into the world of the imaginary. Are you there yet? You’ll know you are as soon as I tell you that Jehovah has shown his true love for mankind by wiping out 99.9% of human life on Earth. As a Jehovah’s Witness, you’ve had your eye on that beautiful, 14 room mansion. As you approach its vast front garden, you see a man lying on the grass. He’s dead – serves him right too. He told me to get lost the last time I knocked on his door. You approach the front door. It’s opened. “Praise Jehovah” you say. You wouldn’t know how to get into the house if the door was locked. “Oh wow,” you think to yourself as you pass over the threshold. It’s far nicer than you ever imagined. You take a self-appointed tour through your new home and write down the items you want to keep. Not everything in the house is to your liking.
As you make your way up the grand stairs, you hear something scurrying around. You quietly approach one of the bedrooms. “I hope it’s not another Jehovah’s Witness,” you think. You peek your head around the door post. “Oh, thank Jehovah,” you think to yourself. Thankfully, it’s not another Jehovah’s Witness, but a crow, eating the eyes out of a dead girl. She can’t be more than three or four years old. “Oh well,” you think to yourself, “her parents should have answered the door and taken in the accurate knowledge I was willing to share with them”.
You begin the clearing out process. These people must have been so rich. They spent so much money on their daughter. You’ve had to remove truckloads of baby clothes and toys. Silly people, why would a family of three want a 14 bedroom house anyway? You also spent ages picking up all the family photos. You dropped the massive family album and the pictures went absolutely everywhere! Also, you’ve had to repaint the little girls room as her parents kept marking the wall to measure her height. Silly people, didn’t they know Armageddon was coming?
After a week, you’ve finally removed the corpses and cleaned the house. You’ve also damaged the locks on the front and back doors, for you won’t be needing any sort of locking mechanisms in the New World Jehovah has so lovingly provided for you.
Okay people, let’s come back to reality…
If you’re not a Jehovah’s Witness and have read this, you most probably think I am exaggerating. Unfortunately, I’m not. The Watchtower, Bible and Tract Society of Jehovah’s Witnesses clearly promotes this line of thinking.
If you’re a Jehovah’s Witness and have read up till here, I have a task for you. Please take a picture of the house you want to move into after Armageddon and email it to us. Tell us the address of it also. Ben and I will try to contact the owner of the house and tell them that their house will be left in good hands after the birds have finished tearing away their flesh.