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A Conversation with Jehovah about Watchtower Policy

Submitted by Jaymes on August 19, 2012 - 8:18 am 7 Comments

The Watchtower have claimed that Jehovah and Jehovah alone makes and changes policies within the organisationTeeny: Hey Jehovah, how are you doing oh great one?

Jehovah: I’m doing okay Jaymes. But can I ask why you’ve been calling yourself ‘Teeny Pyjamas’ on your website?

Teeny: As I am still a Jehovah’s Witness, I’m really worried that if the Elders knew who was writing these blog posts, they would do everything in their power to ruin my life.

Jehovah: Yeah, that shunning ruling can be a drag. Where did ‘Teeny Pyjamas’ come from?

Teeny: It’s an anagram of my real name, Jaymes Payten.

Jehovah: Cool.

Teeny: Cheers J. Anyway, can I ask you something?

Jehovah: As I’m not real and a work of fiction, I suppose you can ask me anything.

Teeny: The Watchtower Society published the following in their Watchtower, November 1st 1956 magazine:

Who makes and changes policies within the Watchtower Society? Jehovah does.

Jehovah: Okay, but what’s your question Jaymes?

Teeny: Well Jehovah, the Society is claiming that you dictate Watchtower policy. But I’ve recently been told that Candace Conti now makes and amends Watchtower policy.

Jehovah: What? Heresy! And who the hell is Candace Conti?

Teeny: Candace is an ex-Jehovah’s Witness who recently won the largest ever court case against a religion with regards to sexual abuse.

Jehovah: So I’ve got to fork out even more money?

Teeny: Yeah. Around $28 million or so.

Jehovah: I’d better sell my buildings in Brooklyn.

Teeny: That might be difficult because Satan is causing a global recession. Anyway, let’s continue. The Watchtower lawyer said that you’re no longer in charge. This is what he said:

It seems as though Jehovah isn't dictating Watchtower Policy as they would have us believe

Teeny (Continued): As you can see Jehovah, the Watchtower lawyer contradicts the Watchtower magazine article because he not only says that the Organisation has Managing Directors, but also that Candace Conti is the Watchtower policy changer.

Jehovah: I’m lost for words.

Teeny: Okay, but it’s not the first time you’ve been lost for words, is it? Remember when you dictated two identical Psalms? That was a bit lazy, but you’re God, which allows you to create plants and then the sun and make mistakes.

Jehovah: Yes, but I do like ‘Repetition for Emphasis.’

Okay, enough with that. I think we get the point. When any Jehovah’s Witness tells you that their religion is governed by Jehovah, and that Jehovah alone dictates Watchtower policy, go ahead and tell them about Candace.

  • Kathleen Conti

    GB: “Well”, why don’t we just put her in charge!!!

  • http://www.JehovahsWitnessBlog.com Andrew

    Yeah, I enjoy that everyday so on my Birthday I got myself some books instead! Ha! ha!

  • Derangedjdub

    THANK YOU!! :). My present to myself…guilt free living!!

  • http://www.JehovahsWitnessBlog.com Andrew

    Happy Birthday, Derangedjdub!

  • http://scottleblog.wordpress.com Sally

    Good one, Teeny!

  • Derangedjdub

    It’s got to be because I’m hung over from celebrating my 40th birthday last night But…

    Thanks DH… we know.

    Another great spin on the silliness Teeny! Thanks!

  • http://www.dannyhaszard.com Danny Haszard

    Jehovah’s Witnesses are in *breach of the preach*.
    Jehovah’s Witnesses proselytizing is a false Gospel. (Gal. 1:8)

    Straight up doctrinal facts on Jehovah Witness.
    The Jehovah’s Witnesses teach preach that Jesus had his return aka second coming October 1914,then they spin all sorts of doctrinal embellishments on that date.
    They teach only 144,000 go to heaven,on and on and on with made up man made dogmas……They have infighting,crime and child abuse as bad as any church out there.

    Jehovah’s Witnesses promotion of their Watchtower sect has the net effect of stumbling and turning people off to the real Gospel.
    Jesus said: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel land and sea to win one proselyte; and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves” (Matt 23:15)
    -
    Danny Haszard born 3rd generation Jehovah’s Witness now a Christian
    *Tell the truth don’t be afraid*
    FMI dannyhaszard(dot)com