What do Jehovah’s Witnesses believe? In fact, what do a lot of other religions believe in? Hocus pocus if you ask me. Either way, our ‘Beliefs’ category takes a look at various religious belief systems.
Many say that the Jehovah’s Witness religion is a cult. Do you think it’s a cult? In this section, we’ve housed all the blog posts that show you if it is a cult or not. You might be shocked at what you find.
The Watchtower Organisation looks after all the Jehovah’s Witnesses worldwide. The good news about the ‘Organisation’ is that it keeps having magic moments, allowing us to poke fun at it.
Real Life Experiences
This section is filled with the real life experiences of former and current Jehovah’s Witnesses. It’s a real eye opener that shows you what various trials and tribulations Jehovah’s Witness go through.
Check out the latest funny posts. If you’re single, the chat up / pick up lines article will have you rolling around on the Kingdom Hall floor. That’ll make you wish you stayed behind for ‘Hall Cleaning’.
No More 3 Day District Conventions?Submitted by Jaymes on July 12, 2012 - 9:22 am 121 Comments
Rumours are rife that this series of Jehovah’s Witness District Conventions will be the last time we’ll have to sit through 3 entire days of complete and utter boredom.
Nothing’s concrete at the moment, but word from District Convention committee members is that there will be no 3 day district conventions planned for 2013. No stadia are being booked, hotels aren’t being pressured into lowering their room rates and finally, we won’t have to listen to any more experiences from Brothers and Sisters who lost their jobs because their boss didn’t allow them to take the Friday off.
If it’s true and we’ve just witnessed the final 3 Day District Conventions, I am sure you’re all wanting to know why the boffins up in Watchtower HQ decided to pull the plug. JWB intelligence tells us that it’s the culmination of a few things:
- The contributions are drying up
- The Watchtower Society isn’t raking in the donations like it used to, so why bother with a 3 day convention when it can just as easily put up a 2 day convention.
- Cost of renting stadia is going up
- I’ve ever only been to the Twickenham (London, England) District Conventions. It costs thousands to rent out stadia like Twickenham and as the above point shows, it’s just not worth the Watchtower Society’s while.
- Change is good – change shows we’re in the “Last Days”
- Have you noticed that the word “Change” is changed to the term “New Arrangement” once you’re in “The Truth”? Whenever a “New Arrangement” comes along, the Brothers & Sisters get excited. They’re not sure why they’re excited, so we start to hear some sound bites to the tune of “Well, this shows that the end must be really near”. Or, “Whenever the Organisation make a change like this, it must mean Armageddon is right around the corner.”
- Friday’s are a killer
- Since I can remember, the Watchtower Society has been trying to get all the Jehovah’s Witnesses to take Friday off from work and attend the first day of the District Convention. Here are some examples that we’ve been told over the years. Bear in mind, these examples have a slight JWB element added to them.
Does this District Convention Experience Bring Back Memories?
A couple of months before the big day, we’re told about Susan, a loyal and god-fearing Sister. She’s a single mum as her husband had an affair with hundreds of women since finding out his wife wanted to become a Witness. Susan is also a regular pioneer and works shift work at her local supermarket.
In the 10 years as a Jehovah’s Witness, our Susan has never missed the opening day of the District Convention. Each and every year, she knows that she’ll have a real struggle with her Atheist boss. He’s a good man, but doesn’t believe in God and so can’t understand why Susan wants to take a day off.
Before Susan approaches her boss, she prays to Jehovah – the supreme being who created the plants and then the sun – and asks him to open up her Atheist boss’ heart so that he can allow her to take the day off.
The next day, Susan asks her boss if she can take the following Friday off as she needs to attend the FREE 3 Day District Convention.
“Susan, I am sorry, but it’s just not possible this year as you’ve had all your days off when you went to that Pioneer School thing. Besides, haven’t you heard your religion is involved in the biggest payout of any religious organisation in a child abuse case?”
Susan thanks her boss. Deep inside, Susan can picture the day when birds peck out her boss’ eyes. She hopes that something can change her boss’ mind, but she’s running out of time.
The next day, Susan approaches her boss and resigns. Her boss is distraught because he has always tried to hire Jehovah’s Witnesses because of their honesty and well-mannered ways.
Susan is a single mum, a pioneer, and now she’s out of a job. She’s decided to look for a job after the District Convention. Susan has decided to put the Kingdom first in her life and fully relies on Jehovah to support her.
On Thursday (a day before the District Convention), Susan is out on the ministry alone (with two hunky angels by her side). She’s been assigned to knock on the doors of some very large houses. As she approaches one, it takes her fancy and she can picture herself living in it after Armageddon.
When she knocks on the door, a man answers the door.
“Hi, my name is Susan…”
Before she can finish, the man says, “Hi Susan, I’m Randy. Please come in.”
Susan is taken aback. She follows the man into the house and towards his office.
“Now Susan, the job is only on a part-time basis, but the pay is excellent and if you can prove yourself, I’ll up your pay even more.”
“But Randy, I… I am not here for an interview, I came here to talk to you about…”
“Susan, you’re a Jehovah’s Witness, right?”
“Yes, I am!”
“Well Susan, I only hire Jehovah’s Witnesses and if you think you can file, write some letters for me and post them promptly, the job is yours if you want it. Also, don’t you have one of your conventions coming up?”
“Yes, it’s tomorrow in fact.”
“Okay. I’ll tell you what. I’ll come with you. What time should I pick you up?”
Susan looks over at her hunky angel companions and whispers “thank you”.
Brothers and Sisters, do you see how putting Jehovah first in your life can lead to better opportunities… or a Window Cleaning business?
See you on Friday.