But let’s put it in perspective. There are currently a little over seven billion people in the world. That makes Jehovah’s Witnesses one in a thousand. Can one in a thousand people be wrong? Of course. Put it another way: In an auditorium filled with a thousand people, what are the odds that 999 of them are wrong and only one of them is right?

It’s possible, but hardly a positive convincing argument in favor of the minority opinion.

But it’s worse than that. Since Armageddon is “any day now” (and has been for a long time), and since the Watchtower holds that everyone will get a chance to have “the truth” explained to them before Jesus’ army murders them for their willful unbelief, it means that 999 of them have had the truth explained to them and have willfully rejected it in favor of living a lie, knowing full well the life-and-death consequences of that decision!

Truth can never be told so as to be understood, and not be believed.

– William Blake

I agree with Blake. When I understand the truth about something I automatically believe it. I really have no choice in the matter; “understanding something as true” and “believing something” are virtually synonymous. The fact that the vast majority of people don’t believe the Watchtower religion after understanding it means that they are not convinced that it is true: not that they have “rejected the truth in favor of the lie.”

Arguing that something is true just because a number of people believe it to be true is a logical fallacy. It even has a fancy Latin name: argumentum ad populum (“appeal to the people”) and is well explained in this article on Wikipedia.

But it’s even more foolish to play this particular numbers game when you are a minority group. If the number of people espousing a religion were an indicator of its truthfulness, then you’d be wiser to cast your lot with the Catholics who outnumber the Witnesses 175 to one.

Now, as soon as we point out these facts, a Jehovah’s Witness will forget about what they just said [hoping we will too] and immediately change tactics and tell us about how narrow is the way, and how “many are called but few are chosen” and all the other arguments they can come up with to prove the opposite point: that the true religion will have few adherents. Blowing raspberries is an appropriate response to this.

Playing with Other Numbers

Numbers play a surprisingly large role in the Watchtower’s doctrine and history. But it’s all terribly boring. So I thought up this little rhyme to help keep it all straight and in Watchtower perspective:
One: “godly org” on planet Earth.
1914: their everLASTing DAYS begin.
1919: they show their “worth.”
1945: saving lives becomes a sin.

Two: the witnesses in Revelation.
Millions: living who will “never die.”
Myriads: former members whom they shun.
Countless: each deception and each lie.

3 1/2: their time in prison.
Six-thousand: years man’s been around.
607: their tunnel-vision.
One-thousand: years that Satan’s bound.

For godly perfection the number seven
simply cannot be compared.
12 is organization, and for heaven:
A thousand times that number squared!

Seven-million: doing Watchtower’s will.
666: that bad boy of the night.
Seven-billion: non-believers God will kill.
Zero: all the times that they’ve been right.

Steve McRoberts Monthly – Steve McRoberts, the author of Falling in Truth: The Education of a Jehovah’s Witness, is a member of the JWB Team! Steve writes monthly’s on JWB, so go and tell your friends about him. Oh, and buy his book. It’s fantastic!

The post Playing the Numbers Game appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.

But when we refer to sex we typically mean much more than just possessing gender. We mean sexual relations between people, or even with oneself in the case of masturbation. [We should also note that the famous wit's witticism unfairly excludes hermaphrodites.]

They say that authors should write what they know about and have a lot of experience with. According to that formula, if you were to compile a list of of authors who were qualified to write about sex, my name would regrettably appear close to the bottom. But, that’s alright; I’m not going to discuss my own sexual experiences here. This is due not only to an appalling lack of material, but also because it is irrelevant to the real topic under discussion: the Watchtower’s view of sex.

The Bible’s View Of Sex vs. The Watchtower’s View

What do you think the Watchtower would say about a man who was a bi-sexual polygamist, liked to dance around naked, and had many mistresses? I think we can all agree that an individual exhibiting such

behavior would be quickly disfellowshipped for “conduct unbecoming.” Yet the man I’m describing is one of the most revered men in the Bible: King David! (1 Sam 20:41; 25:43; 2 Sam 5:13; 6:20)

What about an incestuous bigamist who, like the modern day Arnold Schwarzenegger, had sex with his wives’ maids? This is the Bible’s account of Jacob, whom God renamed Israel and “blessed abundantly.” (Gen:29:30; Gen:30:4; Gen:30:9; Gen:35:9-12).

Judah, one of Israel’s sons, was another prominent figure in the Bible. He had sex with a prostitute (just like the modern-day actor Hugh Grant did. Isn’t it odd how we’re quick to condemn the “celebrities” of today for the same actions of the “great men” of the Bible?). But Judah was a real piece of work; in the best tradition of hypocritical double-standards, he then sought to burn his daughter-in-law alive for having “played the whore” by becoming pregnant after her husband had died. In the end, Judah only refrained from the horrific murder of his daughter-in-law when he discovered that she was the prostitute he’d had sex with, and he himself was the father of her unborn twins! No, it’s not a storyline from a daytime soap-opera or trashy novel; it’s Genesis chapter 38.

So, is it really a sin worthy of disfellowshipping for a person to have more than one wife, to have mistresses, or to have sex with ones maids? Is it a sin to have sex with a prostitute? Well, Israel is honored in the Bible (in fact he’s known as one of the “heroes of the Bible” by today’s Christians, and the highest level a Jehovah’s Witness can attain to is to be a “Spiritual Israelite”), so it doesn’t seem to have tarnished his reputation any. Also, we can ask: would God order someone to commit a sin? Well, the prophet Hosea was ordered by God to marry (i.e. have sex with) a prostitute (Hosea 1:2-3).

The Bible tells us that King Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived or ever will live (1 Kgs 3:12) [which makes us wonder about how dumb Jesus must've been in comparison.] In all his wisdom, what did Solomon do? He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. (1 Kgs 11:3) That means he could have a different sexual partner every night and not see the same woman twice in over two and a half years! But he probably indulged in more than one woman at a time (just imagine all of the possible permutations!)

Solomon also wrote, in his “wisdom literature:” “Has one found a [good] wife? One has found a good thing, and one gets goodwill from Jehovah.” (Prov. 18:22) And: “Rejoice with the wife of your youth… Let her own breasts intoxicate you at all times. With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly.” (Prov. 5:18-19)

Then, Along Came Paul (And Then, Maybe Jesus)

Saul/Paul, a true misogynist, said it was better never to touch a woman, and that it’s better not to get married. (1 Corinthians 7:1,8) Afterward, the creators of Jesus’ biographies had him extol the virtues of self-castration! (MT 19:12) So much for the wisdom of Solomon’s “constant ecstasy!” On the other hand, Jesus reputedly performed a miracle just to help a couple celebrate their wedding. (John 2:1-11) One would surmise from that action that he wasn’t entirely against the idea of men and women coming together and doing what’s necessary to bring about children.

Despite these minority opinions of Paul and the creators of the Gospels’ Jesus, the Bible seems to tolerate – if not outright advocate – a healthy indulgence of ones sexual appetite.

The View From The Watchtower

The Watchtower has always taken a hard-line stance against sexual activity, even though Rutherford is known to have had at least two mistresses in addition to a wife (though he was separated from the latter.)

The Watchtower is against premarital sex, bisexuality, homosexuality, and masturbation. They frown upon unmarried couples kissing or even holding hands. You’re not even supposed to “date” an individual unless you’re seriously considering them as a marriage partner. They have also been against certain private sexual practices between a husband and wife, though I’m told they’ve changed their minds on this more than once¹ [Interesting how, on their own authority, they can change a practice from being a sin to being acceptable. All the while the Bible continues to say the same things it has said for centuries. It should have been a fairly simple matter to read the Bible and see that it contains no such prohibitions before blurting out opinions that ruin people's lives.]

The Reality

Somehow we came by these hormones which drive our sexual desire. [I recall mine fully raging out of control by the age of 14.] The Watchtower would credit the creation of these hormones to Jehovah. So, according to Watchtower logic, Jehovah gives us these desires and then demands that we not act on them: at least not for several years until we’re of marriageable age and have, in fact, “tied the knot.” This tends to force young people into either marrying before it is economically feasible for them (and then suffering a life of poverty), or into “giving in” to their desires and suffering the consequent Watchtower-imposed guilt. I suspect most of them secretly practice masturbation as the most innocuous and only livable solution to the challenge of simultaneously being human and a Jehovah’s Witness. [I know I did.]

The Watchtower: Out of Bounds

“Do not go beyond the things that are written,” The Bible tells us (1 Corinthians 4:6) – and it didn’t mean the things that are written in the Watchtower. The Bible does not contain any writings about masturbation, nor does it condemn any sexual practices between married couples.²

Paul may have been a homophobe, but it doesn’t appear that anyone else mentioned in the Bible was. The Song of Solomon sings the praises of homosexuality, and despite his many wives and concubines, King David’s favorite lover was a man named Jonathan. (2 Sam 1:26)

Yes, there’s that prohibition in Lev. 18:22, but as all Christians will tell us when we point out other absurd laws in the Hebrew Scriptures: “The old law passed away.”

Consequently, the Watchtower has no business pontificating on these practices. When they declare that such practices are “sinful” They are the ones violating a Bible principle: by going beyond the things that are written.

“Why Do You Not Decide For Yourself What Is Right?” (Luke 12:57)

It is your duty and responsibility as a human being to decide for yourself what is appropriate sexual behavior for you. Such decisions, of course should give sufficient consideration to how your actions affect others – just as all of your decisions should. You must be guided by empathy in such matters where others are involved, and it goes without saying that it must always be completely uncoerced, consensual, and between adults.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me; I’m not advocating that Jehovah’s Witnesses go out and enjoy all of the sexual activity they possibly can with complete abandon like oversexed bunny rabbits. For one thing: I certainly don’t want to be held responsible for breeding more Jehovah’s Witnesses! But more importantly, in a civilized society there must be some constraints to our desires. Fulfilling such desires should not be our top priority, and when we do fulfill them we need to do so in a respectful, safe manner with our eyes wide open to the consequences of our actions to everyone involved.

Discipline isn’t a bad thing. But neither is sexual activity properly self-regulated. I emphasized “self” very deliberately in the preceding sentence; the Watchtower has no right poking its nose – or any other appendage – into our bedrooms [or into our kitchens, stairways, or the back-seats of our vehicles - for the more adventurous amongst us.] It’s especially ironic and hypocritical of them when you consider the paedophilia they allow to take place.

The reason you exist is that sex is pleasurable. Otherwise, your mother and father would never have “done the deed.” Somewhere along the line people would’ve gotten bored with procreation and the burdens entailed by caring for the young that are produced thereby [I'm speaking of that long dark period of human history before the invention of condoms.] It’s a really good thing that sex is pleasurable, otherwise we wouldn’t be here, and neither would the Governing Body be here telling us to live our lives in denial of our nature – hmmm, I guess there’s pros and cons to everything.

God, Love, and Sex

Sex is not love, neither is God love (in spite of what 1 John 4:8 claims.) Love is a whole other subject for discussion in a future article. For now I only want to point out that love should not be confused with God or with sex. Love is not that mass-murdering egotistical moron masquerading as “God” in the Bible. Nor is it the physical pleasures of sexual activity. You can have sex without love (which I imagine is fun and exciting for a time, but ultimately shallow). You can also have love without sex (ask anyone who’s been married ten years or more.)

But when love and sex come together in your life: well, it doesn’t get much better than that. It would be one of the greatest mistakes of your life to permit the Watchtower to interfere with such happiness in any way shape or form; they have no reason, no authority, and no clue.

Notes:

¹ “Nevertheless, if future cases of gross unnatural conduct, such as the practice of oral or anal copulation, are brought to their attention, the elders should act to try to correct the situation before further harm results, as they would do with any other serious wrong. Their concern is, of course, to try to help those who go astray and are ‘caught in the snare of the Devil.’ (2 Tim. 2:26) But if persons willfully show disrespect for Jehovah God’s marital arrangements, then it becomes necessary to remove them from the congregation as dangerous “leaven” that could contaminate others.” (Watchtower 12/1/1972 p.734-736)

“A careful further weighing of [oral sex], however, convinces us that, in view of the absence of clear Scriptural instruction, these are matters for which the married couple themselves must bear the responsibility before God” (Watchtower, 2/15/1978)

[Why hadn't they done a "careful weighing" back in 1972 before opening their discreet mouths?]
return

² “It must be acknowledged that the Bible does not give any specific rules or limitations as regards the manner in which husband and wife engage in sexual relations.” (Watchtower 2/15/1978 p.30-31)

[Which is exactly what Witnesses were trying to tell the Watchtower prior to 1978, and no doubt being disfellowshipped for their efforts.]
return

Steve McRoberts Monthly – Steve McRoberts, the author of Falling in Truth: The Education of a Jehovah’s Witness, is a new member of the JWB Team! Steve will be publishing his monthly’s on JWB, so go and tell your friends about him.

The post Sex: All Along the Watchtower appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.

“Tomorrow is the big day”, I thought. After all, it was the day I was finally going to be baptised! A few weeks earlier, I had sat through my baptismal questions and passed with flying colours. The elders were proud of me, especially Derek Keeves (the Bowes Road Assembly Hall caretaker), who had tirelessly studied with me. He took a broken teenager and groomed him into a fine Jehovah’s Witness.

No one lives above the dome…

Derek was a nice man. Being the caretaker of the largest owned Assembly Hall (owned by the Watchtower) in the UK (at the time) must not have been an easy task. Derek always looked sad too, but that was because of his podgy face and droopy brow.

Our study sessions were kind of cool too, especially when he’d let me run wild in the grand hall. If I had concentrated enough during the study, he’d give me ten to fifteen minutes of investigative time, which was great because I’d always wanted to see what was hidden behind those huge curtains. Also, much to my surprise, I now have conclusive proof that no horrid monster lives above the top of dome, which sort of messed up my daydreaming stories. Anyway, as many of you reading this haven’t got the foggiest idea about Bowes Road, I’ll continue with my story.

Dedicating Myself to Jehovah

For those of you who aren’t too sure what a ‘dedication’ is, all I can say is that it’s exactly that – you dedicating your life to Jehovah. Unfortunately as no one has ever seen Jehovah, you’re dedicating your life to his earthly organisation, the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.

All Jehovah’s Witnesses need to dedicate themselves to Jehovah in prayer before letting the elders know that they wish to be baptised. A lot of friends have told me they never actually made a dedication via prayer to Jehovah. Did you dedicated yourself? If so, do you remember your own personal dedication to Jehovah? I remember mine quite well, although I won’t divulge too much of what I said. Instead, here’s a summary of it:

“Jehovah, you alone are the supreme being who created life, the universe and everything. You can read hearts and minds and I know you have read mine. I am ready to serve you for the rest of my life. I will go anywhere, do anything you want me to do. If there is something out there that you have set for me, please Jehovah, show me the way so that I may do it and bring you glory. I want to make you happy, now and always. Through the name of your son, Jesus Christ, who you sent to earth to die for me, Amen.”

Moving on.

The Day I Got Baptised

Saturday, 11th February came. I wore my best suit, polished my shoes and went along to the assembly hall. I was getting baptised with my best friend, Damian Palazzetti. We had known each other for quite a few years and had a fair bit in common with each other. There was no way I was getting baptised alone and so I waited for Damian. Now that I look back on it, waiting for a friend to get baptised sort of says a lot about my willingness to get dunked.

I’ll never forget that day. For starters, everyone was so kind to me. I also got to sit in the first row with Damian. Mother had never let me sit with my friends during the meetings or any assemblies. The carrot she dangled in front of me was quite large. “After you get baptised, I will let you sit with whoever you want, as long as it’s not Michael”. I couldn’t find a pool of water fast enough!

Majestic Curtains

To be honest with you, I can’t remember much of the baptismal talk and even the name of the elder who gave it escapes me. You see, I was focused on not messing up. I’d seen one or two brothers and sisters slip on the steps that disappeared into the small pool and promised myself that wasn’t going to happen to me. As no formal training was given on the position one was to take before going under, I sat there and racked my brain, trying to remember how all the baptisms I had witnessed had gone.

As is customary, the baptism questions ensued. I always thought it was funny how when the baptismal candidates said “YES!”, the “yes” always sounded more feminine. Maybe it was because the sisters felt it more, or maybe there were simply more sisters getting baptised. Either way, it was our turn!

We were asked to stand and answer into the microphone “clearly”. This was an uncomfortable moment for me. Not because of the questions I would be answering, but because you could feel all those eyes burning holes in your back.

First Question: On the basis of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, have you repented of your sins and dedicated yourself to Jehovah to do his will?

“YES!”

Second Question: Do you understand that your dedication and baptism identify you as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses in association with God’s spirit-directed organization?

“YES!!!”

Some giggles from the audience were heard, which is normal. Once again the sisters, of which there were only two, sounded far louder than ours.

Off we went to the changing rooms. I had brought along my black shorts and a baggy black t-shirt and had approximately ten minutes to get changed. It was our cue to go when the kingdom melodies started. My heart was pounding. “Are you nervous?” I asked Damian. “No, not really”, he said. Well if he’s okay with this, I’m going to be okay too.

We walked up behind those famous stage curtains and waited. Two by two, the brothers and sisters went into the pool and came out drenched and smiling. Finally, it was our turn. “Don’t look at the crowd. Don’t look at the crowd!” I kept telling myself. Too late. I turned my head to the right and looked at the audience for the briefest moment. I felt terrified. I was sixteen you see, very shy and not the most social person you would ever meet. My heart raced more and more.

Damian stepped into the pool first. The water was quite warm, which either meant the baptism assistants had weak bladders or Derek had turned the water heater on full just for me. I’m sticking with the water heater theory.

The baptism assistants where dressed in white shorts and t-shirts. I’m not sure if wearing white is a Watchtower regulation or not, but at the time, they looked like two angels. “It’s okay, don’t be nervous”. “It’s easy for you to say”, I said. The brother stood to my right and told me to hold my nose shut with my right hand. He placed his left hand on my back and his right hand on my chest.

Splash.

I came up out of the water a clean man. Armageddon was so close now we could feel it. My baptism ensured my free pass into the paradise world, right? Try again.

Now that I look back on it, the entire thing seems surreal. After all, we were told not to date or even think about getting married until we were “out of the bloom of youth”, yet making a decision at sixteen which would change my life forever was a good thing. Just for the record, child baptisms aren’t a good thing.

Being sixteen and not having been baptised wasn’t a good thing. Nearly all my friends were getting baptised between the ages of twelve and fifteen. Damian was fourteen at the time too. I faced enormous pressure to get baptised.

“Look at Michael”, mother said. “He’s eighteen years old and hasn’t been baptised. His parents don’t know what to do with him. Do you want to end up like Michael? What happens if Armageddon comes next year? You’re still under my roof, but you’re at the age now where you’re old enough to make decisions, which means if Armageddon comes, I won’t be able to protect you.”

So much for making fun of baby baptisms. Jehovah’s Witnesses in general state how wrong it is to ‘christen’ or baptise a baby as that baby doesn’t know what he’s being baptised for. Pardon me, but I never knew what I was getting myself into either.

As I said, the pressure started to grow and grow until it was unbearable. I’m not privy to how things are done now with the Jehovah’s Witness youth, but I can assure you that if no one had pressured me into getting baptised, I wouldn’t off.

This begs the question; why were you baptised?

The post Why Were You Baptised? appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.

One time, I remember us discussing what life would be like living forever in a paradise earth. As we were reading through a book that apparently informed its readers how they could live forever in a paradise to time indefinite,  I thought it pertinent to ask what would happen if someone decided they had finally had enough with patting their tiger on the head for the zillianth time and decided to walk over to their loving neighbours home and steal a teabag, or even worse than that, tell Jehovah to “F*ck off!”.

Before asking that question, I want to set the mood a little. This was, as far as I remember, the gist of the conversation with my mum.

“Jaymes, after Armageddon has come and Jehovah has killed all the wicked people, Satan and his demons will be locked away in an abyss. This will give all of us 1,000 years to make the earth a paradise. After the thousand years, Jehovah will release Satan and his demons so that he can test us. Also, all the people that died will be resurrected. Satan will try really hard to make all of us, and all the newly resurrected ones turn against Jehovah. The bible calls this the “second test”. After a certain amount of time, Jehovah will destroy Satan, his demons, and all those that turned against him. After the second test, we will all become perfect and we will live forever in paradise.”

Got that?

So after we’ve all been tested, Jehovah will kill everyone. Well okay, not entirely everyone, just about 99% of people, including babies and old folk. He’ll lock Satan and his buddies away for a millennium. During Satan’s time away from us all, Jehovah will resurrect everyone – okay, not everyone, but those whose heart condition is right. So if you’ve got a congenial heart defect at the moment, you’ve had it. You won’t be around to witness the greatest millennium party ever. Satan will be the DJ and his demons will be on the door letting everyone in. All those that decide to go to the party will then be killed by Jehovah…again. Everyone who survives will begin their evolutionary change and become perfect.

Ah, but the title of this article is “Can You Die If You’re Perfect In Paradise”. So can you die once you’ve passed all the exams the grand designer of the universe has given you? What does Anna Marsh (my mum) say:

“If anyone does anything bad after they have become perfect, Jehovah will kill them instantly. But Jaymes, no one will do anything bad as they will be perfect.”

Brilliant!

What does the Watchtower Organisation have to say about this matter?

By then, the earthly subjects of the Kingdom will have been brought to perfection. They will follow Jesus’ example and humbly and willingly acknowledge Jehovah’s sovereignty. They will have the opportunity to demonstrate their desire to do that by successfully passing the final test. (Rev. 20:7-10) Thereafter, all rebels—human and spirit—will be eliminated forever. What a joyful and jubilant time that will be! The entire universal family will happily praise Jehovah, who will be “all things to everyone.”— Read Psalm 99:1-3. – Watchtower Magazine, 15th September 2012.

There you have it. My mum was spot on. If you nick a teabag or as much as look at a boob, you’re going to be zapped. No trial, no excuses. Gone. Andrew spotted this great bit in the Watchtower quote “What a joyful and jubilant time that will be!”. That bit comes right after you’ve read that you will be killed if you even think about putting a foot wrong. Will we be having parties whenever someone’s life is taken from them by Jehovah? Is that what the “joyful and jubilant time” is all about? I digress.

Thing is, how can you be perfect if you’ve lost your free will? Answers on a postcard.

The post Can You Die If You’re Perfect In Paradise? appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.

On Sunday, 3rd January 2010, Jaymes wrote his first ever JWB article and it’s been a blast ever since.

“I knew there were other Jehovah’s Witnesses that really didn’t want to belong to the cult. I am a firm believer that if you can make someone laugh at their own religion, you’re half way to getting them out of it, and boy do we all need to try and free as many Jehovah’s Witnesses as possible”, said Jaymes.

The JWB Team would like to thank you for your continued support. We’re currently preparing a revamp of the website, which will have a book reviews section and forum, a new podcast series, and a free eBook.

“Things are really moving along quickly. The JWB Team and I hope 2013 will be our best year yet. We’ve now helped 150 people leave “The Truth™, and the hate mail we’re getting is superb. Keep it up. The success of our pilot podcast show means that you’ll be hearing a lot from us audibly this year too”, added Jaymes.

If you’re a Jehovah’s Witness and realise something is terribly wrong with your religion, it’s never too late to leave. Make it your New Years Resolution to leave. If you’re already out, try and help as many leave as possible. You can do it!

From all of us here at JWB, we’d like to wish you a brilliantly Happy New Year!

The post JWB’s Birthday! appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.

During the preparation for this fine occasion, the Jehovah’s Witness members of my family had to decide whether they’d be going as well, or not (as it turns out, the grandparents didn’t show up or even wish her well before the show in true cult fashion). After all, Christmas is made from hair of devil, a pinch of black magic and other evil pagan spices. Why don’t Jehovah’s Witnesses see that Christmas is mostly a secular holiday nowadays?

I know some of you dear readers will disagree with me, but let me just point out what I mean. Santa was invented by the Coca Cola company. Jingle Bells isn’t about Jesus, but dashing through the snow on a one horse open sleigh (hey!). In fact, Jingle Bells was originally written for Thanksgiving in 1857 and was inspired by the local popular sleigh races. Nothing pagan about it. And don’t even try to say a snowman is evil.

Worldwide, parents and grandparents made the decision to stop their little children joining in the harmless festivities, pulling them out of school classrooms. My daughter doesn’t really even know much about Jesus or the religious spin on the holiday – it’s just a completely innocent sing-a-long. Surely only a cult could make a parent or grandparent decide to avoid their child proudly performing a song about sleigh racing.

I hope I won’t hear the usual JW excuses this year about Christmas, but I will. “It’s Pagan”, “It’s silly because people get into debt”, “I can give gifts any time of the year, not just at Christmas”, “But Jesus wasn’t born on December 25th”, and so on. Each and every single excuse being pathetic, illogical and unreasonable.

You see, it doesn’t matter if you believe in Jesus or not, celebrate Christmas or not – it’s just a time of the year for some fun and to spend some quality time with family, and put a smile on children’s faces.

The post Jingle All The Way appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.

Before I get into why a midday nap could be fatal, I want to tell you why I even brought up the topic of siestas being bad.

Recently, I’ve been having in depth discussions with a Jehovah’s Witness. This JW, who shall remain unnamed, has been trying his darnedest to bring me back to “The Truth™”.

In our chats, Pambos (oops, sorry mate), has told me that celebrating Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays, and New Years is exactly what Satan the Devil wants us to do. In fact, the devil is so cunning that he’s turned these religious, pagan, disgusting festivals into secular holidays.

“Jaymes, you must understand that Satan is the ultimate marketer. You’re in marketing and you know how the trade works. When you want to sell something to a crowd that no longer wants the product your pushing, you put a different shine on it. You come up with an entirely new campaign and push that new angle. Satan has done exactly that. He’s taken these horrid pagan holidays and turned them into festive days that sell.”

Pambos is right. That’s exactly what I do. Thing is, I thought Jehovah’s Witnesses lived their lives based on biblical teachings and not on a marketing handbook. So I asked Pambos the same question I ask all Witnesses when they try to push their man-made doctrines onto me.

“Pambos, I see that you have your New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures here with you. I have mine too. Let’s both turn to the scripture that explicitly tells us that celebrating Christmas is bad. Once we’ve read that, we’ll look at the scriptures that tells us Birthdays, Thanksgiving, and New Years should be given an almighty miss.”

I start flicking through my bible posing a rather confused face. The trick is to slowly raise your head and look at the Jehovah’s Witness in a sort of I’m-lost-help-me-out-look. Every time I’ve done this, I am the only one flicking through the bible. You see, all Witnesses know that no such scriptures exist. Now, if you really want to wind them up, ask this question:

“Oh, I can’t seem to find the scripture. Can you point me to where it is?”

The Witness normally tells me not to mess around for I know all too well that these scriptures don’t exist.

At this point, you can either have a chat about why Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that they shouldn’t believe in secular holidays, or you can be clever about it. Next time you’re in a similar conversation, do the following.

“Of course these scriptures aren’t in the bible. Obviously Jehovah doesn’t have a problem with us celebrating certain days. But let me ask you something. Have you ever slept during the day, either on a weekday or on the weekend? I am sure you have, right?”

Wait for their response. If they tell you that they’ve never done this, point them to Proverbs 30:8 and kick them in the shin. Most of the time, you’ll find someone that has taken a siesta, at least once in their life.

“So you’ve taken a siesta, right? Sometimes they’re needed, especially if it’s hot and you’ve been working hard. Thing is, why is it okay for you to have a siesta, but not come to my Birthday party?”

They should have a dumbfounded look about now.

“Turn to 2 Samuel, chapter 4, and we’ll read verses 5 till 7.”

⁵ And the sons of Rim′mon the Be‧er′oth‧ite, Re′chab and Ba′a‧nah, proceeded to go and come to the house of Ish‐bo′sheth about when the day had heated up, as he was taking his noonday siesta. ⁶ And here they came into the middle of the house as men fetching wheat, and then struck him in the abdomen; and Re′chab and Ba′a‧nah his brother themselves escaped detection. ⁷ When they went into the house, he was lying upon his couch in his inner bedroom, and then they struck him so that they put him to death, after which they removed his head and took his head and walked on the road to the Ar′a‧bah all night long.

You now need to repeat Steve McRoberts‘ wise words:

“So, following the same logic, I’m sure the Watchtower Organisation must tell you that the practice of observing siestas is against Bible principles. Right? No? Please explain; you see I’m confused. If that logic works for Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years, it MUST also work for siestas. If it doesn’t, then the logic is faulty, and to be honest, you’d do better not to mention these irrelevant examples of Birthdays from the Bible and just tell us what reasons you think there are for condemning this seemingly innocent practice.”

We would like to thank Steve for providing clear logic. Unfortunately, most Jehovah’s Witnesses haven’t the foggiest when it comes to logic. If you were to rearrange Stevie Wonder’s room, it would make him mad. Using logical statements in an argument with a Jehovah’s Witness usually has the same outcome.

There you have it. Siestas are bad. If you decide to take a midday nap, make sure you don’t tell any Elders. They’ll have your head!

Just for fun, I’ll take a siesta on the 26th June. That’s my Birthday.

The post Siestas are Bad! appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.

I personally love the United States of America and just can’t get enough of Maine and especially Bar Harbor. I do hope that when Jehovah finally gets around to killing 7 billion innocent people during his great day, he leaves Bar Harbor as it is, or at least tasks the surviving 7 million Jehovah’s Witnesses to turn the rest of the world into Bar Harbor. Unfortunately, I won’t be there to see it, and neither will you if you continue to read this article. Shame on you!

Anyway, let’s get back to Thanksgiving. For those of you that aren’t too familiar with Thanksgiving, and let’s be honest, a lot of non-North Americans really have no idea what this special holiday is truly about (I never really got it either until recently), let me shed some light on it. Thanksgiving Day is an annual holiday that’s celebrated in the USA and Canada on the fourth Thursday of November in the USA (and on the second Monday of October in Canada).

Now, before I get in over my head, I’ll let Wikipedia come in with her fantastic cameo:

Historically, Thanksgiving had roots in religious and cultural tradition. Today, Thanksgiving is primarily celebrated as a secular holiday. – Her Highness, Wikipedia.

You’re probably thinking “Why don’t Jehovah’s Witnesses Celebrate Thanksgiving?” Because its roots, which have now withered away and died, were drinking at the same table as religion. I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty on how Thanksgiving started, that’s Wikipedia’s job. I’m here to tell you that if you’re a Jehovah’s Witness and aren’t preparing the turkey, you’re a buffoon. Here’s why.

It’s a secular holiday! The very definition of the word secular means there is no religious or spiritual basis added to it whatsoever. So why aren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses taking part in Thanksgiving? Could it be that the Watchtower Organisation is a control freak and cannot stand seeing anybody have a good time? Yes, and the proof can be found in the Awake! December 2006 within the Questions From Readers section. I couldn’t have put it better myself:

The most infamous “thanksgiving” was proclaimed in 1637 by Governor John Winthrop of the Massachusetts Bay Colony after the massacre of hundreds of Pequot Indians. Therefore, we can appreciate why some readers may be offended by Thanksgiving Day.

“Offended”? “Offended”!!! For once in your petty existence Watchtower, can you be honest? When you say “some readers may be offended”, you actually mean the Watchtower, Bible and Tract Society, right? I mean, I know a brother who was a ministerial servant but lost his privileges because his family put a turkey in the oven on fourth Thursday of November in 2009.

And Watchtower, how dare you talk about a “massacre”. Mr. Winthrop might have killed hundreds of Pequot Indians. If you want to start a slanging match that involves counting the dead, how about this for starters: How many innocent lives do you claim Jehovah will take during his Armagenocide gig? Let me answer that for you:

There are billions of people who do not know Jehovah. Many of them in ignorance practice things that God’s Word shows to be wicked. If they persist in this course, they will be among those who perish during the great tribulation. – Watchtower 1993 October 1st 1993 page 19.

Oh, I’m sorry, did I hit the sweet spot? “But we’re not celebrating that day”. Really? You make 7 million muppets live their lives as if they depend on that day. Everything you teach is about “That Day”!

There must be another reason, right? Oh, here’s one. Jehovah never asked for this holiday. Even though he wrote the bible and decided to fill it with over 100 insertions of the word “Thanksgiving”, he never wanted us to celebrate this day. If anyone can show me the scripture that says this, I’ll be happy to oblige.

Another reason is that we should worship Jehovah everyday, and not just on one specific day. I redirect you to the word “secular”.

And finally, I point you to the amazing brochure School and Jehovah’s Witnesses, published in 1983 by the Watchtower:

Other holidays are somewhat different in nature. These are not so universally celebrated, but may be unique to a particular country. For example, there may be national days of thanksgiving. In some places there may also be a certain day set aside to memorialize a nation’s war dead, or a day to remember the birth of a country or certain prominent presidents, rulers or national heroes.

Jehovah’s Witnesses also respectfully refrain from participating in such national holidays. Though we respect the authorities in whatever country we may reside, for conscientious reasons we do not give them what we view as worshipful honors. We remain neutral toward all such celebrations. This is in keeping with Jesus’ words regarding his followers: “They are no part of the world, just as I am no part of the world.”—John 17:16.

So Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t carry out “Worshipful Honors”? That’s funny, especially as I remember quite a few brothers and sisters clambering all over each other to shake the hand of the Governing Body member when the District Convention had ended.

Therefore, if you want to cook a turkey, mashed potatoes, and prepare some succulent cranberry sauce today, go ahead. Enjoy Thanksgiving, kiss and hug your loved ones, for tomorrow, Jehovah may smite them.

The post Happy Thanksgiving! appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.

Bonnie goes on to tell us that she’s still living at home with her parents, who both happen to be extremely zealous Witnesses. They’ve pressured her into staying with them in the family home until she finds a Pioneering-Window-Cleaning-Elder-Husband. Thing is, Bonnie doesn’t want to stick around. She wants out of the family home and wants to experience life on her own for the first time by moving into her own apartment.

“The main issue I am having at the moment is that no matter how many hints I drop about the Jehovah’s Witnesses being wrong, my parents aren’t having any of it. It’s so frustrating because they keep telling me to throw all my burdens – physical or otherwise – on Jehovah,” says Bonnie. “I finally plucked up the courage last week and told them flat out “this entire New Light business is wrong, plain wrong!” Oh my did I get a funny look from dad. He got up out of his chair, left the living room for a minute and then came back – with his Bible! I thought “oh here we go again.”

The gauntlet was set, the firearms were at the ready and Bonnie’s dad had brought ‘it’ to the fore.

“Bonnie”, her dad said, “I want to read a verse from the Bible. After I’ve read it, you can have your say.” With that, he turns to Proverbs chapter 4, verse 18, which reads:

But the path of the righteous ones is like the bright light that is getting lighter and lighter until the day is firmly established.

“Do you see what Jehovah is telling us here? He is showing us that as we get nearer and nearer to the end, he will be making the “light”, which as we know is a metaphor for accurate knowledge and Godly information, “brighter”. He does this through the Organization. You can say anything you like to your mother and me about our truths changing back and forth. All I know is what I’ve read from Jehovah himself. It’s all right there in that scripture. What do you have to say about that young lady?”

Bonnie finishes off her email by asking me the following question: “Teeny, please, please, please tell me how I can answer him about this “New Light” rubbish as it’s driving me insane.”

Well Bonnie, why don’t we turn to that scripture again. Can you ask your father to point out where it says that “light” is a metaphor for “accurate knowledge and Godly information”? I’ve read this scripture many times but haven’t come across that section. Neither have I read that Jehovah will use his “Organization”.

Before I give you some guidance on what you need to say, please bear in mind that you’re dealing with a brainwashed individual and it’s likely that anything you say, no matter how logical or true, will make the slightest bit of difference. I do advise you to read through this amazing book first.

Now that I’ve got my disclaimer out of the way, we can begin.

Next time he tells you about the light getting brighter, take the Bible out of his hand, smack him over the head with it, and then turn to Hebrews chapter 6 verse 18 part a, which reads:

in order that, through two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie

 Then ask him the following, “Dad, is it impossible for Jehovah to lie?”. He should tell you that it is certainly impossible for God to tell a lie. If he doesn’t, smack him over the head again, although chances are he’ll answer correctly.

Now ask him to answer one more simple question. “Is the Organisation directed by Jehovah?” He will say that it is.

Time for question three. Ask him the following, “Dad, if Jehovah was directing the Organisation, why, in 1879, did he allow the Governing Body to first of all say that the men and women of Sodom and Gomorrah would be resurrected, only for him to then make them say in 1952 that they wouldn’t be resurrected? But in 1982, Jehovah made the Governing Body change their minds again. This time they said that they would be resurrected. Now though, this “New Light” that you so elegantly spoke of, has changed again, for the evil men and women of Sodom and Gomorrah will not be resurrected.”

He’ll definitely be trying to interrupt you throughout this process. The trick is to not let him. Tell him that you have a bit more to say and then he can have his say.

Say the following, “so dad, we’ve seen that the Organisation has made mistakes,” to which he will robotically tell you that “the Organisation is run by imperfect, humble men.” This is where you make the point that if the Organisation can change its doctrine at any time and is run by imperfect men, then you shouldn’t be able to trust that what they say at any point in time is what Jehovah actually wants. In fact, you don’t even know whether they are God’s chosen religion.

Anyway, I need to wrap up this post now. I do hope Bonnie and some of you try this tactic. You’ll never convert any Jehovah’s Witness on the spot, but at least they’ll know where you stand.

If you argued until the cows came home with Witnesses about New Light, do let us know.

Oh, I nearly forgot. If the Jehovah’s Witness you’re talking to is starting to annoy you, read the scriptures found in Deuteronomy chapter 18 and verses 20 to 22:

“‘However, the prophet who presumes to speak in my name a word that I have not commanded him to speak or who speaks in the name of other gods, that prophet must die. 21 And in case you should say in your heart: “How shall we know the word that Jehovah has not spoken?” 22 when the prophet speaks in the name of Jehovah and the word does not occur or come true, that is the word that Jehovah did not speak. With presumptuousness the prophet spoke it. You must not get frightened at him.’

The post Blinding New Light appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.

What’s the big deal? Someone became a Jehovah’s Witness? Well, for those of you who don’t know, Rose West has committed some horrific acts and is currently in prison serving ten life terms. That’s right – she killed at least ten people. Together with her husband, Fred West, they sexually molested, murdered and dismembered young girls they found on the street and buried them in their cellar and garden.

The Daily Mail says of Rose West and her late husband, “Lodgers, babysitters, children, including the couple’s eldest daughter Heather, aged 16, as well as complete strangers they picked up off the street were tortured and abused before being buried in the cellar or under the patio of their house.

Some were subjected to lingering deaths: breathing tubes pushed through mummy-style masks made of yards of packing tape kept them alive as sexual playthings until their usefulness was over.”

I think I made the point about how gruesome her crimes were, which brings me to the point of this article. In the eyes of a Jehovah’s Witness, Rose West is a better person than me. Let me explain by taking a look at the Awake 2/8 2003 magazine, and the article there called “The Bible’s Viewpoint – Is There an Unforgivable Sin?”

IS THERE a punishment worse than death? Yes, death without the hope of a resurrection because one has committed an unforgivable sin. Jesus said that there is a type of sin that “will not be forgiven.”—Matthew 12:31

So what is this horrid, unforgivable, sin?

Jesus’ warning referred to willful and deliberate “blasphemy against the spirit.” There is no acquittal for this type of sin. “No, not in this system of things nor in that to come,” he added. (Matthew 12:31, 32) Those guilty of such sin will not be resurrected.

That’s right. If you deliberately speak out against Jehovah, (or the Organization, in Jehovah’s Witnesses eyes) that makes you an apostate, and apostates, no matter what – no matter if they repent later in life – will not be forgiven. So, I write a few articles on a blog and speak out about religion? That makes me evil and unforgivable. Torture and murder children? No problem! As soon as you die, you’re forgiven. After all, Romans 6:23 says, “The wages sin pays is death.”

There you have it. Clear as day. Jehovah’s Witnesses won’t even say ‘hello’ to me – they turn and run away when they see me in the street or at the supermarket – all because I bring valid criticism to the table. But they’ll happily have a chat with a serial killer…

It is obvious that it’s completely messed up thinking that could only really take place in a cult. What do you think? Am I wrong?

Then, it’s as if the Watchtower realised how stupid and crazy such a belief is and added this little paragraph thinking it’d make it all better:

Some people who were once faithful Christians have purposely drawn away from God, perhaps because of bitterness, pride, or greed, and are now apostate fighters against God’s spirit. They willfully oppose what the spirit is clearly accomplishing. Have these individuals committed the unforgivable sin? Jehovah is the final Judge.

Note how they also suggest that people who leave the religion do so out of selfish reasons like bitterness, pride and greed. Don’t even consider that there might be valid reasons! Sounds like the cowards way out, if you ask me – they spend the article saying how apostates will die, but then say it’s down to Jehovah. “Don’t shoot the messenger!” If Jehovah was real, he would remind me of a child running home with his ball so no one else can play.

The post Serial Killer Rose West Becomes a Jehovah’s Witness appeared first on Jehovah's Witness Blog.