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Check out the latest funny posts. If you’re single, the chat up / pick up lines article will have you rolling around on the Kingdom Hall floor. That’ll make you wish you stayed behind for ‘Hall Cleaning’.
Jehovah’s Witness Chat-up LinesSubmitted by Jaymes on July 1, 2011 - 11:17 am 20 Comments
Today sees the Cyprus District Convention kick off. I’ll be there, checking out all the sisters, and boy are there a lot of “faithful” sisters just waiting for Mr. Single to come along and sweep them off the tarmac. These sisters shouldn’t be left on the tarmac! By using these Jehovah’s Witness chat-up lines, they certainly won’t be .
Oh, and here’s my personal guarantee. If you use these chat-up lines, you will at least get a laugh, which could lead all the way to a chaperoned date! Wow, isn’t that joyful….
- Come on down to my place, and you can serve where the need is greater
- Come back to the hotel with me and you can check out my Elder’s Body
- Someone is going to be crying out tonight, but it won’t be for “Peace and Security”
- I don’t believe in sparing the rod… how do you feel about spanking?
- I’m an interested one, can I please have a return visit?
- God says we should go forth and multiply.
- I’m following Jesus’ command to become a fisher of men. You seem like a great catch!
- I’ll be your own personal whore of Babylon if you can be my wild beast baby!
- If your baptism had been a wet t-shirt contest, you’d have won 1st place
- How do you feel about being submissive and full of mercy?
- Let’s have some bad association together and ruin your good habits!
- So how about I call round same time next week and we discuss that further?
- Don’t worry, I’ve girded my loins!
- Can I put my new release in your briefcase?
- I just graduated from Gilead. Let’s try the missionary position
- Is that a convention programme rolled up in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
- You look like you’re in need of some love-bombing!
- Give me just one night and I’ll show you how bright New Light really gets
- I’d like to anoint you
- Why am I staring at you? I am keeping my eyes on the prize
- No, I wasn’t staring at your chest. I was reading your lapel badge
- Would you like to handle this microphone?
- Oh my, you really are worth a Judicial Committee
- Why don’t you make like Balaam and beat my ass?
- I would definitely consider a family night with you
- Sister, I’m sorry I had to be so firm and hard, but you needed it
- Missionary is overrated…. I like it from behind
- They say oral is a sin….want to prove them wrong?
- I must be a member of the 144,000 cause when I look at you I am in heaven
- Would you like to tame my wild beast?
- Do you want to mount Zion tonight?
- If you’ll be faithful…I’ll be discreet
- Come and climb my WatchTower
- When I see you, it turns from clay into iron
- If I said you had a nice governing body would you hold it against me?
- Let’s overlap our generations if you know what I mean
- What do you say we lose this great crowd?
- I want to be your faithful slave
- Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1975
- I’ve got a nice bottle of wine back at my place… do you like unleavened bread?
- No need for a great tribulation, I can take you to paradise right now
- You’re giving me a Crisis of Conscience!
If you’re into the same sex scene, you could always try the Jonathan/David gay pick up line (I know a few Cypriot brothers will be using the below line, especially the Circuit Overseer):
- My love for you is greater than that of women
If you want to pick up a sister, there are loads flocking to the District Convention in Limassol, Cyprus. You don’t need to use any of the above chat-up lines. All you have to say is “hi, I’m single”. To win over even more, add “a” and “pioneer” or “Elder’s son” where applicable.
PS. If you manage to actually go the distance, try this; when she screams “oh my God!”. Say “yes?”.