Real Life Experiences
A Conversation with Jehovah about Watchtower PolicySubmitted by Teeny on August 19, 2012 - 8:18 am 7 Comments
Teeny: Hey Jehovah, how are you doing oh great one?
Jehovah: I’m doing okay Jaymes. But can I ask why you’ve been calling yourself ‘Teeny Pyjamas’ on your website?
Teeny: As I am still a Jehovah’s Witness, I’m really worried that if the Elders knew who was writing these blog posts, they would do everything in their power to ruin my life.
Jehovah: Yeah, that shunning ruling can be a drag. Where did ‘Teeny Pyjamas’ come from?
Teeny: It’s an anagram of my real name, Jaymes Payten.
Teeny: Cheers J. Anyway, can I ask you something?
Jehovah: As I’m not real and a work of fiction, I suppose you can ask me anything.
Teeny: The Watchtower Society published the following in their Watchtower, November 1st 1956 magazine:
Jehovah: Okay, but what’s your question Jaymes?
Teeny: Well Jehovah, the Society is claiming that you dictate Watchtower policy. But I’ve recently been told that Candace Conti now makes and amends Watchtower policy.
Jehovah: What? Heresy! And who the hell is Candace Conti?
Teeny: Candace is an ex-Jehovah’s Witness who recently won the largest ever court case against a religion with regards to sexual abuse.
Jehovah: So I’ve got to fork out even more money?
Teeny: Yeah. Around $28 million or so.
Jehovah: I’d better sell my buildings in Brooklyn.
Teeny: That might be difficult because Satan is causing a global recession. Anyway, let’s continue. The Watchtower lawyer said that you’re no longer in charge. This is what he said:
Teeny (Continued): As you can see Jehovah, the Watchtower lawyer contradicts the Watchtower magazine article because he not only says that the Organisation has Managing Directors, but also that Candace Conti is the Watchtower policy changer.
Jehovah: I’m lost for words.
Teeny: Okay, but it’s not the first time you’ve been lost for words, is it? Remember when you dictated two identical Psalms? That was a bit lazy, but you’re God, which allows you to create plants and then the sun and make mistakes.
Jehovah: Yes, but I do like ‘Repetition for Emphasis.’
Okay, enough with that. I think we get the point. When any Jehovah’s Witness tells you that their religion is governed by Jehovah, and that Jehovah alone dictates Watchtower policy, go ahead and tell them about Candace.