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Jehovah’s Witnesses – Who Are They?

Part 1 of the what Jehovah's Witnesses believe articleEvery now and then I’ll flick through the official website of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, jw.org. I really only do this to find inspiration for any new articles. Their website is a treasure trove for anyone that likes pointing fingers – and you know us, we just love pointing our fingers at Jehovah’s Organisation.

Anyway, I found a great article on the official JW website titled Jehovah’s Witnesses – Who Are They? What Do They Believe? and I just had to share it with you. If they ever update it, you can see it in the form we saw it in by clicking on the images.

Let’s begin!

IT IS the desire of Jehovah’s Witnesses that you become better acquainted with them. You may have met them as neighbors and fellow employees or in other daily affairs of life. You may have seen them on the street, offering their magazines to passersby. Or you may have spoken briefly with them at your door.

“IT IS the desire of Jehovah’s Witnesses..” Why are they referring to themselves in the third person? “Offering their magazines..” You mean your magazines, right?

Actually, Jehovah’s Witnesses are interested in you and your welfare. They want to be your friends and to tell you more about themselves, their beliefs, their organization, and how they feel about people and the world in which all of us live. To accomplish this, they have prepared this brochure for you.

Here we go again, they’re talking in the third person. I don’t know if you picked up on this bit, so here it is again – “They want to be your friends and to tell you more about themselves, their beliefs, their organization, and how they feel about people and the world in which all of us live.” Did you see what I saw? The Watchtower Organisation has proved one of my points that they have actually replaced God. In that sentence, do you see Jehovah being mentioned? Now then, most Jehovah’s Witnesses will refute this by saying that Jehovah is covered under the “their beliefs” section. However if they singled out “their Organization” as important, why didn’t they mention God?

“In most ways Jehovah’s Witnesses are like everyone else. They have normal problems—economic, physical, emotional. They make mistakes at times, for they are not perfect, inspired, or infallible….In all their activities they seek guidance from God’s Word and his holy spirit.”

“Normal problems”, which include some that are emotional. Yes, I agree with that and I am sure you’ll agree that they cause emotional turmoil too, especially when they’re destroying families. And since when are Jehovah’s Witnesses not “inspired”? If they’re not inspired, how do they know their religion is the true one? The Jehovah’s Witnesses Proclaimers book on page 626 has this to say, “They do not claim that this slave class is infallible, but they do view it as the one channel that the Lord is using during the last days of this system of things.” So you would say that they are inspired, right? I mean, how can you state that you have an exclusive and direct channel to heaven if you’re not inspired? How can you say that the holy spirit guides you if you’re not inspired?

“It is of vital importance to them that their beliefs be based on the Bible and not on mere human speculations or religious creeds.”

Jehovah's Witnesses - Who they are and what they believe - Part 2The Jehovah’s Witness beliefs are not “based on mere human speculation or religious creeds”? Really? I suppose there’s no need for 607 B.C.E or 1914 then, unless of course, you can find these two dates mentioned in the bible. Felt-tipping them in doesn’t count!

“Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that all religious teachings should be subjected to this test of agreement with the inspired Scriptures, whether the teaching is offered by them or by someone else. They invite you—urge you—to do this in your discussions with them.”

Come on now, who’s leg are you pulling? Next time a Jehovah’s Witness comes to you door, tell them that their own Organisation has urged you to ask them to show you where it’s mentioned in the Bible that Jehovah’s Witnesses are God’s only chosen religion. As the above quote says, they need to prove this to you using the bible only. Your conversation with them will be short.

“They [Jehovah’s Witnesses] rely on both of these, the Greek and the Hebrew Scriptures, and take them literally except where the expressions or settings obviously indicate that they are figurative or symbolic. They understand that many of the prophecies of the Bible have been fulfilled, others are in the course of fulfillment, and still others await fulfillment.”

So the Jehovah’s Witnesses take the bible “literally except where the expressions or settings obviously indicate that they are figurative or symbolic‘? Really? What they mean is that they do this when it suits them. For instance, please open your bible with me to Revelation, chapter 7, verse 4:

“And I heard the number of those who were sealed, a hundred and forty-four thousand, sealed out of every tribe of the sons of Israel:”

Why did I get you to read this scripture? Well, they take the first 16 words of this scripture as literal, and the remaining 10 as symbolic. The funny thing is that verses 5, 6, 7, and 8 go on to name the twelve tribes that the 144,000 come from. But I suppose that part is symbolic, right? Thing is, I couldn’t tell you because it doesn’t “obviously indicate that they are figurative or symbolic.”

“Jehovah’s Witnesses? Yes, that is the way they refer to themselves. It is a descriptive name, indicating that they bear witness concerning Jehovah, his Godship, and his purposes. “God,” “Lord,” and “Creator”—like “President,” “King,” and “General”—are titles and may be applied to several different personages.”

Jehovah’s Witnesses? Yes, that is the way they refer to themselves.” Fair enough. Can you please tell us what you refer to yourself as? Stop with the third person, it’s getting boring!

I always did wonder what Jehovah’s Witnesses were meant to have witnessed, now I know.

The rest of the article is rather boring and not as funny as the first half, so we’ll leave it there. If you’re honestly thinking about joining this religion, can you tell me why? If you’re still in, can you tell me why? If you’re out, there’s no need to tell me. Oh go on then, you can tell me why.

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