The Watchtower Society is Pro Education

I know what you’re thinking, ‘Teeny has gone and Photoshopped that Awake! cover.’ I honestly haven’t touched it! The Watchtower buffoons have hit a high note once again!

Now, before discussing the contents of the October 2012 Awake!, let’s first take a good look at the front cover. What are your first impressions? Do you want to hear mine? No? Well I’m going to tell you them anyway. Here goes.

I think the girl in the picture is a Jehovah’s Witness. I might be wrong, but I don’t think so. The good news is that she’s taking on board the Watchtower Society’s advice and so doesn’t give a damn about her education. Look at all the other “Worldly” kids. They’re hard at work studying, but our lass hasn’t a care in the world for she knows that her education isn’t the be all and end all. But what in the world made her think this?

Tammy (I have to give her a name) knows that Jehovah will soon kill all her classmates and her teacher in the fabulous day of Armageddon. If Jehovah doesn’t bring death to over 7 billion people before she graduates, our Tammy knows that Jehovah will look after her when she’s regular pioneering. He’ll continue to care for her even when she hits her ‘Fatigue Years.’

Jehovah is Tammy’s rock, strength and might.

Let’s not forget the title of this much loved magazine article: How To Succeed At School. Well Tammy, you can start by quitting your day-dreaming!

Now then, let’s take a peek inside this wondrous, newly designed magazine.

After we’ve read all about ‘The Bottom Lines,” we come to the section on furthering ones education.

Be reasonable with regard to how much education to pursue. As mentioned earlier, education can help prepare your child for responsible adulthood. (Genesis 2:24) But how much schooling does reaching that goal require?

Do not assume that your child must attend a university tomake a decent living. There are other options that are less costly. In fact, in some cases those with trade skills can make as good a living as university graduates.

There you have it parents. Why spend thousands on educating your children? Did you know there are other options for you to consider? Prostitution and blackmarket organ donating can go a long way in this system. Before you know it, your child might be the only one-lung star to have lived in the Playboy Mansion.

Also, all the money you’re likely to save can go towards your weekly Kingdom Hall donations. Remember – Jehovah always needs your money!

Let’s get serious for a moment. What ‘other options’ is the Watchtower Society talking about? Well, when I was growing up, mother told me to learn a trade because if I knew the fundamental skills of carpentry or plumbing, I would be extremely handy in “The New System™.” Even if Jehovah didn’t bring the end within the next few years, I would at least be handy in any Quick-Builds that came along.

In the end, I was completely discouraged from going onto University. If only mother hadn’t threatened to throw me out of the house. I would have learned critical thinking skills far earlier. At the age of 29, I decided to go and further educate myself. If the end was going to come, at least I would know a thing or two more than I already knew. Six months into my studies, I learned the Watchtower Society was talking trash. Coincidence?

Before I end this article, I want you all to turn to the scripture the Watchtower Society decided to highlight in the above passage. Please open your Bibles with me to Genesis chapter 2 and verse 24.

That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.

Yes, there you have it! That scripture is definitely in context with making the right decisions about education. In future, Watchtower buffoons, ask us ‘Apostates’ for reference scriptures, for we know more about the Good Book than you do.

PS. Kids, next time the teacher starts talking about the Big Bang, just think about a beautiful nude woman who talks to snakes…